Here I am again

Same place, same emotions, same hopeless despairing uncertainty...am i doing the right thing? why does it feel so bad? where do I go from here? How many times can we "try again" and it end up in the same damn place, and I end up hurting so bad and trying to get over him again and move on with my life. But here I am stuck in place, not knowing is it me, is it him, is this the end, should I just give it more time, or should I finally find a way once and for all to cut the cord. Everything is so familiar about this = stuck in my apt alone, no desire to interact with people, but this terrible loneliness eating me up inside - the aching emptiness that comes with my attempts to purge M from my heart. Even though there are times I hate him, times I despise him and am totally disgusted by him....now is the time when I keep imagining what it used to be, what it could have been, and wondering if there's something I could do differently to make it work out for us....but that's the problem...it's too much damn work. Love is not supposed to be so hard! So why is it so hard to let go?